Waiting on a second-hand pick-me-up
And I’m over getting older"
(Sorry today there will be no picture of the day for the simple reason that I saw nothing that deemed fit to take a picture of... yes it’s one of those days.)
Dear Everyone,
I had broken sleep and broken dreams last night, all of the things that were said among my dreams and all the things i thought I’d heard between waking and rolling... well let’s say I woke up in somewhat of a drunken stupor when i got up at 4:15 this morning and in my opinion that’s no way to start off a morning much less a week. I'm in a weird mood because of it.
Everything in life seems to be going by so fast lately, and in that realization I've come to the following conclusions:
-I hate my job
-I need to be more proactive
-There's not enough minutes in the day (in this realization i decided that at some point between the age of 10 and 21 someone started to take a couple of the hours in my day that used to be there and they do this on a daily basis when I’m not paying attention.)
-I'm looking for something
-And I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I'm wasting too much time trying to slow things down instead of just trying to keep up or maybe the other way around but either way, which of the two is the way I’m supposed to go about this? I've been adding a lot of new things that i used to do back into my life and I'm pushing so many other things aside without even realizing it, I can hardly even notice anymore. The rubber band that I've become is starting to tether and tear instead of keep everything together.
I wrote a song in my drunken stupor the other night, I still don’t know what it means- I was telling nick when i read it the next morning that I wished I could go back to the previous night and talk to myself about it among other things, he just sorta laughed at me. I personally think that the "you" that you really are, like the "you" that’s driven by your untainted and untamed thoughts and emotions comes to the surface when alcohol dilutes the logic, reasoning, and fears that we have to keep them in line.
The easiest way to really let go is to trick yourself into doing it.
I'm afraid of what my life is bringing to the table, but at the same time I can’t see 5 feet in front of me so why should i care? I mean if it hits me it’s not like I’ll notice until I'm on my back saying "What the Fuck was‘that?"
So I'll try to let life bring what it will and I'll try harder now (that I’ve realized I'm doing it) to let life hit me in the face, maybe it'll knock some sense into me.
I guess I should move past my ranting’s and get onto other things like the band. (BAND UPDATE) 4 out of 5 tracks have been recorded (musically), I can’t take credit for this due to the fact that Nick has been doing it all on his own in my bathroom while I'm at work. All the guitar and clapping and knee beats are now in a couple horribly rough tracks. I have the lyrics all written, but I’ve been neglecting taking the tracks to the side and finding out how i want the vocals to sound. I'm probably just afraid of failing or of my voice or whatever, but i can say I’ll be moving past that as soon as i can even if i have to force myself kicking and screaming. Nick still has to do the guitar on Kiera though so don’t go acting like he's all high and mighty and monumentiously(sp?) greater than me!! (I'm such a tattle tale) But right now mostly the ball is in my court. (I'm actually supposed to be recording the vocals today... we'll find out tomorrow is that actually happens.)
Also on a side note since I’ve been on such a stand still on the comic (I've been rather distracted with the pokemon game that i try to secretly play in my spare time in order to feed my inner nerd since I haven’t been keeping up on my comics lately) I've decided I'm going to try my hand at drawing portraits. So for the moment I ask that you send me pictures of you or your friends or anything really to draw and I’ll post the results on here and send it to you or give it to you after I’m done. :]
So now that I've rambled, updated and asked favors I suppose I'll leave you all empty, contemplative(hopefully), and egger. so i guess...
Until later, bye.
No comments:
Post a Comment