Even Seasons Change



I always wanted to paint someone

"We'll play stop and go but it feels just like freeze tag."

Dear Everyone,
It's been a while since I hoped on here to give you all little tid bits of info about my life. This will be a "highlight" update of course because I personally don’t think that I'm interesting enough to just write tangents anymore well and there’s the new thing which is draining but I'll get to that in the "highlights" section :]
So without further addoo, "highlights"


1. If you don't understand any of this or me or know who I am for that matter just rewind like a lot of posts back and stuff, I don’t feel like re-iterating everything I've been through and how its changed because it has aside from my dosage of kid kimo has upped a little bit because the pill amountage isn’t "killing me enough" (no that is not a scientific term that is just my way of saying it)


2. I suck at grocery shopping; no let me re-state this so that there is no confusion, I REALLY suck at grocery shopping. The other day I went in, money in pocket ipod in ears- needless to say I was fuckin ready for some walmart grocery shopping.... or so I thought. I grabbed my basket which I named "bascket" and began on my journey through the aisles of food and angry families. I somehow managed to almost die about 3 1/2 times, was rammed by almost a dozen baskets and also got lost like twice. At the end of my excursion I had only filled the kid portion of my basket and realized I had completely forgotten what I like to eat and among this revelation I also realized that 4 year old kids can fill a grocery basket better than I (but on a plus note I found the most generic cola ever). So after failing miserably at grocery shopping I jumped on the back of "bascket" and sped out of walmart and toward my truck like a getaway driver (and yes, everyone looked at me like I was nuts)


3. I got a new eye infection so yes the white blood cell killing powers of my pills are working and yes the infection sucked. Spent countless dollars and time at the eye doctor, had the front of my cornea scrapped for testing and couldn’t see for almost 2 weeks (the world is a very cruel place when you're suddenly thrown into it and you can’t see and everything burns) but I find out today whether or not I'm officially better. Fingers fuggin crossed, right?


4. Been watching lots of new movies, listening to lots of new bands, tryin out some new concepts in life, trying to find the drive to not stop being artistic (mainly writing and music), and lastly trying not to drop off the face of the earth so much.


5. Planning a vacation because I fucking need one at this point


6. Lastly, I'm starting this new art project. I'm going to be doing this thing we used to do on the poetry slam team I ran in college where you basically write streams of consciousness for roughly 5-10 mins off a random phrase. I'll be posting this in my tumblr along with all the random pictures and phrases I already post. So if you care to read my crappy poetry and look at my awkward pictures by all means, stop by and check it out. :] http://mattstetris.tumblr.com/

but otherwise,
Until Later, Bye

The One Eyed Boy vs. The World

I finally have a plan

"So give me the fevers that just won't break, and give me the children you don't wanna raise, and tell me about the cool he sings you in those songs, if it's better than my love then bring it on."

Dear Everyone,

Well it’s been a while friends...
I apologize for my absence things have just kinda become a little bit much in recent months so needless to say I decided to take some time off in whatever ways I could.

But this one isn’t going to be an epically long post just a small snippet for everyone to catch up on the highlights so yeah,

My sickness fluctuates, I trudging along and just sorta take it for what it is. My eye got a new disease that I get to live with, it’s called irritis. If you look it up online apparently you'll just hear a buncha horror stories is what the doc told me, I of course have yet to look it up, I just know that because of it I've been wearing glasses for almost a month now- with my luck it'll make me go blind in one eye (C'est la vie) then I get to be a pirate and I swear to god if that happens I will always talk with a pirate accent and I will always talk about rum and booty.

As far as my old disease goes it didn’t get better and it didn’t get worse since I was in the hospital, it just sorta stayed the same so the doctor decided to change my meds; Still steroids for 12 more months, new stronger constants, and kimo's kid brother (basically get kimo slice it in half then turn it into a pill) so needless to say I don’t feel too hot these days but I'm rather optimistic about things on that scale.

I'm still doing the whole writing and playing and recording thing as much as I can muster. Started drawing a little bit again. Took up photography again which is nice. Decided I'm going to try to start working out again, I'll let you know how that goes considering the pills and there side effects.
Oh, and I read a hell of a lot now. Like 2 books a week at least basically.

But I think that’s the just of things at the moment, I'm lookin up and trying to keep my eyes focused there. Get a hold of me if you need me take care and ummm yeah.

oh and congrats to jake on the very awesome surprise that he was just recently blessed with. :]
Until later, bye.

08/08/2011



Laura showed me this and now I'm giddy

"you say I only hear what I want to, you say I talk so all the time so."



Like a shooting star or a secret I pushed her into my pocket- not to be forgotten and not to be remembered but like a love letter, I just wanted to hold onto it a little while… and you’re like a dead friend these days, you’re never around- shifting through my memories, making seconds fall away from me and it’s getting so fucking hard to breathe... and I can’t say things I want to say out loud anymore- it’s started sounding too much like a prayer or a wish and I don’t believe in miracles anymore, I don’t believe in a lot of the things you taught me anymore… I feel guilty for that… My eyes are so tired these days and my hearts so bitter and you’re not around to re-name stars or laugh my troubles off till I can laugh my troubles off and I don’t blame you… I just remember when we used to drive all night letting street lights outline us and hide us, I remember when we used to count back from ten in our heads and count out loud all the things we’d say out loud if we knew how to say them out loud, I remember when we used to laugh… I remember when we used to laugh and it was easy and it was simple and it felt good. But now there’s a hole in the summer and your fingerprints are all over this one… messy and chaotic but simple and pure… just like you always were- like nicotine I can’t taste or some stupid little promise made but still no matter how hard I try I don’t blame you… even if you’re gone now I don’t blame you, even if I want to I don’t blame you and I don’t know if it’s because I miss you or because in my heart I know I pushed you… but maybe one day you’ll forgive me, pick up the phone and call me… until then I guess I’ll sit back and stare at the stars counting back from ten thinking of the way things once had been.

Until later, bye

I Can't Stop Shaking

"I wanna hold your hand so tight I'm gonna break my wrist, and when the vultures sing tonight I'm gonna join right in."

Dear Everyone,

I'm tired.
The days are long, the moments don't make the most sense anymore and let downs are kind of just a way of life. Memories are even becoming somewhat of an overused and tiresome excuse for thinking...

Today I’m using the blog for well… blogging. What I mean is I’m using it to talk to myself or just kinda write down my head… So if that is something you’re not into then peace out otherwise enjoy my rambles.

My hands don't really stop shaking anymore... some days worse than others but none the less they're always there unless I'm tirelessly pounding away at something to keep me busy and I can confidently say that it's hard to always keep my hands busy. It’s like a chore when all I want to do is sit still, I just want the world to stop for 5 minutes so I can breathe or even just catch myself - I feel like I've been falling for such a long time now that my watch has run out of batteries broken shattered and pieces of the glass from the front have flown off and poked me in the face.

It's weird
The way my head works is so logical lately, where if you know me decently then you know I think with my feeling 9 times out of 10. The world just doesn’t make sense anymore I guess haha the simplest of things don’t have a lay out- they lack essence. But I guess it’s hard to say that most things don’t lack essence these days. We live in a world where everything revolves around fingertips and fingerprints but surprisingly enough everyone is too afraid to get their hands dirty.

Truth, secrets, lies- there's no lines being drawn anymore. Everyone has something to hide its just how deep does it go. The meaning of stop was forgotten when the world became obsessed with the meaning of go.

No band update, No life update- nothing’s changed. If you care about my birthday it’s on August 10th, gifts are no longer necessary due to the fact that I don't really care.
toodles.

Until later, bye.

The Countdown and what-nots



Another albuquerque sun


"You never knew that it would take so long to understand you're right where you belong."

Dear Everyone,

Dreams are weird.

I've been having a lot of dreams lately that don't necessarily make any small inkling of sense... that's un-nerving for me. It's like these past few months have just been a fucked up train ride through all the years that made the most of an impression on me. I'm currently trying to put the pieces together in my head thinking that there has to be some sense to be made of my dreams and the things that keep happening- so far no luck really. For example last night my dream contained ninjas, a concert, racing on tramway, zombies, rachel, tess, jacob, charissa, chelsea, laura, memories and a lot of running... I just simply can't find any resemblance of logic there at all... I'm reading too much into this so onto "the plan/countdown"

So as some of you may know and if you don't then put it in your calendar squares, MY BIRTHDAY IS 13 DAYS FROM NOW!!! (August 10th). So the questions arise,
What are you getting me?
What am I going to do?

yeah... those are pretty much all the questions I can think of... and well I can't answer the first one but I can answer the second. THE PLAN.
Currently my plan is to either; go on a road trip but seeing as how the world is a cruel place and I don’t see anyone tossing tons of bucks my way for said trip I don’t quite think this is going to be the choice that wins but if by some miracle its possible this is exactly what I will be doing.

The other option is to have a day of fun filled awesomeness which would include but not be limited to the following: Water balloon and gun war, Dinner, Jemez camping trip, Bar-B-Que in park, Going swimming, Lots of silly string, Captain America in theaters, Booze and guitar antics... and well anything else that you can come up with (I'm also currently accepting more ideas). So everybody, plan for it, embrace it, or just ignore it if you want- tis your choice.

(Life Update) To put it simply, my life has been uneventful. I've starting playing a game which very well may be the most twisted and sadistic game I've ever encountered which is always a fun experience. I've been looking into sickness stuff and trying to look things up to try and make myself better but it seems like every day I'm either staying the same as I was before or I'm getting worse... It's rather discouraging. 

I also apologize to everyone that hasn’t been hearing from me as of recent, I'm kinda going through one of those phases where I don’t talk to anyone and I don’t leave my apartment- I've recently started to come out of my living quarters though, you can thank Tess for that. I also read and finished a book this week, it was called "A love story *staring my dead best friend*". It was about death, love, and finding yourself in the best kind of way- with a road trip. It was a nice read, it made me feel accomplished finishing it and it left a good taste in my mouth afterward. I guess this is that point where I update the band stuff like always so

BAND UPDATE: things are still moving along at a nice steady pace. Recording a couple rough tracks is suppose to happen this weekend but it's still not a for sure thing. I have a could chunk of songs written and I've been getting help on added or re-writing guitar parts from Jake which has been a huge help. Also I've started a less serious and more fun loving side project which you should expect to hear from very soon. And for now that’s all the updates.

So... expect but don’t hold me to it- I'm gonna try and keep up the blog updates (yeah I said that last time too and I've been working on this one for like a week now but due to sickness and storms I've had delays).

Oh and happy birthday shout outs to Rachel Kristine Rovere Fowlds and Chambrie Yates!!
Also sad good-byes to Tess Taylor who is moving to Florida to be with that guy RC that she likes a whole hellava lot :]


So yeah, I think that's all for now...
Until later, bye

What It Feels Like To Be Alive

Why yes, yes that is my foot

"Every night when I'm trying to rest my head on the floor half-stoned thinking 'damn, this shit gets old'"

Dear Everyone,

Well friends, family, people I don't know- this is me posting a blog in order to attempt to not disappear for forever again (which is a month in matthew time) so hello.

Lately I've been going through a lot of changes (cha-cha-cha-changing) with my new realization of my own mortality, Somethin in your head just starts clickin differently when a doctor tells you that you aren’t healthy (among other things) anymore. I honestly didn't know how to react when I got outta the hospital- it was surreal to look at everything again haha it felt like my eyes had a sepia lens on them or something and everything around me (metaphorically of course) resembled glass, I had to be careful of everything including how I treated myself. My life began to consist of 5 pill bottles, daily check ins, channel surfing, body aches, and an overwhelming appetite attached to a very small stomach that had been shrinking over the past 2 weeks due to my not eating before going into the hospital.

I spent most of that time just sitting around pondering life, I went through all the fun stages of grieving as if the doctor told me that I had a week to live or something basically because I didn’t know what else to do not to mention I had seen it on enough movies that it made sense to try it. Surprisingly it turned out for the best, I ended up "bettering myself" (being the only way I know how to describe it). I kinda just threw myself into art and friends, I think it was the fact that I decided I didn’t want to waste anything anymore. It was hard at first, not dwelling I mean, but thanks to a few people (Dez, Laura, Mel, Stefunny and my parents mainly) I kinda did the whole bounce back thing.

It's nice; I feel less bitter and less like I'm holding on to frivolous things that I can't control. I feel like I'm happier- not feeling 100% but I'm happier with things and the things I'm not happy with I'm not afraid to try to fix anymore. I've already begun the process of re-building bridges and sifting through the riff raff of people and things in my life, making up my mind on who really wants to be there and who I want to be there. I'm over all the half ass bullshit.

But onto the artsy stuff (!)
-I'm currently designing a book cover for my friend Mary who is getting published (congrats to her). It's still very much in the works but I will keep you updated on it (the cover and the book) as things progress.
- I'm thinking about picking up painting because I've always wanted to and what better time than now? I mean shit it’s not like I'm gonna live forever
- I'm FINALLY contemplating starting the comic again (this is the back burner of the art projects because I'm less of a story telling mood and more of a just creating shit mood)
- And lastly of course as always the BAND UPDATE:
Well... me and nick never talked but from what I know (this is what he said he was thinking about doing when we last talked on this phone) he took the material he wrote on the guitar while in SWK and took it all to his new band so who knows what’s gonna happen or what already happened to SWK I'll keep you all updated if me and him get a chance to talk.

But never the less my side-project-turned-band is moving along quite nicely, the band name is still up in the air but I think that’s kinda the last thing we're worrying about haha. Currently I've been doing most of the writing 7 songs are on the table. 7 have lyrics, 5 have guitar, a couple have drum and bass parts but I'm not sure if those are going to get changed by the new talent haha I've recently found a bassist and drummer who are hopefuls for being in the band but I'm still holding off on announcing it till we have a few practices and see how well it works out between us. I can say I very much enjoy this project I'm working on, I especially like how the writing process is going with this band, it makes me look back at SWK and wish I had done things differently- I love being able to work on all aspects of the band and not just lyrics while someone else does all the music, in my opinion it makes the songs flow better together because then it’s not like getting two ideas and squishing them together till they fit it’s more like starting with something and adding to it until its finished. The downfall to the new project for you who care to hear it is that I'm going out of my way not to rush it; I don't want it to be all hype and pass arounds without a backbone so nothing will be getting posted on FB or various other sites till things are solid. For example I won’t be making a band page for it until we have at least 3 songs recorded. But don't expect that to take too long, I already have a decent amount of people who want to help with getting a couple songs recorded and keep tuned for the dates of some smaller shows that should be happening soon :] oh and thank you everyone who has been supporting me through all of this- You deserve a lifetime of cookies.

Oh and happy birthday shoutouts to Chelsea Epic and Mel Baca
Congrats on graduating to my cousin chris, cousin nick, and to my molly girl angie

But yeah I think that’s all for now...
Until later, bye

Dear World

This is what my life sounds like

"Why do you build me up buttercup, baby just to let me down and mess me around."

Dear Everyone,

This is going to be a three part blog;
-Part one is a writing exercise that i saw in Meg from Meg and Dia's blog.
-Part two is going to be a slight update on life, very brief.
-Part three is going to be a letter.



1) This first part is a way to recollect on your previous week or just on that day in particular, I'm going to start doing one every friday in my journal and I'll more than likely re-post all of them together eventually in a blog. This one will be for last week.

Seeing: Too many people obsessed with forcing themselves into others lives.
Tasting: The bitterness of having to force myself to catch myself.
Hearing: The same songs on repeat.
Smelling: Everything that makes me want to vomit.
Feeling: Sick and tired of feeling like you're only my friend because you need something.


2) I lost some and won some, then picked myself up and began the walk that I know all too well without answers from the people who needed to provide them- I even asked some of them without any form of result. Honestly I have no clue what happened to SWK, we never talked about it until i was too sick and tired to be able to make a decision. I have continued to write music without nick for the band, I'm suppose to meet with him soon to figure things out. I've also been sick since May 12th, I could barely leave bed and the doctor basically told me he had no clue what was wrong. I dont blame him the illness eventually proved to be out of his means to find due to the restrictions of his office and his lack of focus on the problem. I was admitted into the hospital friday and have been since diegnosed or as I like to refer to it as "tagged and bagged". I finally was able to start eating solid food today and the doctor said that i should be out of here tomorrow at which time i will basically straighten out some things and finish the songs I was in the middle of writing not to mention the songs I've written since. Sorry for being MIA for such a long time


3) Dear World,
I'm trying not to be bitter anymore. I'm tired of wasting away everything i have to put out the fires everyone keeps setting to every bridge I ever built. I'm done, I don't want to spend my life holding up the card castle that I let everyone turn my life into- I shouldn't have let this go on as long as I did. These moments are too short and I'm already too old to be clenching on to the past and the mistakes that I've convinced myself that I made when I know that I'm not the one that set this world on fire. I don't need sham friends, I don't need promises, I don't need words and paraphrases and I don't need tomorrows and todays because none of it can sit in the palm of my hand, none of it will ever be 100% and none of it can be a sure thing. I'm tired of being fed the same lies my whole life and I'm tired of being so dumb and naive that I think that everyone is different. 21 years and I am so concerned with everyone else and everything else that I literally gave myself a disease and the only things I have to show for it can be counted on both my hands, I'm ok with that now... It took more than I thought I had but I'm ok with it now and I'm ok with who I am and who I will be and to everyone else fuck you and thank you, pick which ever you honestly think you deserve.
Sincerely and honestly,
Matt
  
4) Until later, bye.