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| This is what my life sounds like |
Dear Everyone,
This is going to be a three part blog;
-Part one is a writing exercise that i saw in Meg from Meg and Dia's blog.
-Part two is going to be a slight update on life, very brief.
-Part three is going to be a letter.
1) This first part is a way to recollect on your previous week or just on that day in particular, I'm going to start doing one every friday in my journal and I'll more than likely re-post all of them together eventually in a blog. This one will be for last week.
Seeing: Too many people obsessed with forcing themselves into others lives.
Tasting: The bitterness of having to force myself to catch myself.
Hearing: The same songs on repeat.
Smelling: Everything that makes me want to vomit.
Feeling: Sick and tired of feeling like you're only my friend because you need something.
2) I lost some and won some, then picked myself up and began the walk that I know all too well without answers from the people who needed to provide them- I even asked some of them without any form of result. Honestly I have no clue what happened to SWK, we never talked about it until i was too sick and tired to be able to make a decision. I have continued to write music without nick for the band, I'm suppose to meet with him soon to figure things out. I've also been sick since May 12th, I could barely leave bed and the doctor basically told me he had no clue what was wrong. I dont blame him the illness eventually proved to be out of his means to find due to the restrictions of his office and his lack of focus on the problem. I was admitted into the hospital friday and have been since diegnosed or as I like to refer to it as "tagged and bagged". I finally was able to start eating solid food today and the doctor said that i should be out of here tomorrow at which time i will basically straighten out some things and finish the songs I was in the middle of writing not to mention the songs I've written since. Sorry for being MIA for such a long time
3) Dear World,
I'm trying not to be bitter anymore. I'm tired of wasting away everything i have to put out the fires everyone keeps setting to every bridge I ever built. I'm done, I don't want to spend my life holding up the card castle that I let everyone turn my life into- I shouldn't have let this go on as long as I did. These moments are too short and I'm already too old to be clenching on to the past and the mistakes that I've convinced myself that I made when I know that I'm not the one that set this world on fire. I don't need sham friends, I don't need promises, I don't need words and paraphrases and I don't need tomorrows and todays because none of it can sit in the palm of my hand, none of it will ever be 100% and none of it can be a sure thing. I'm tired of being fed the same lies my whole life and I'm tired of being so dumb and naive that I think that everyone is different. 21 years and I am so concerned with everyone else and everything else that I literally gave myself a disease and the only things I have to show for it can be counted on both my hands, I'm ok with that now... It took more than I thought I had but I'm ok with it now and I'm ok with who I am and who I will be and to everyone else fuck you and thank you, pick which ever you honestly think you deserve.
Sincerely and honestly,
Matt
4) Until later, bye.
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