It's Just Time

"I'm wearing the smile you gave me."

"I can’t move on and I can’t stay the same, and all my friends say…"
 
 
Dear Everyone,
 
It's been a while since I did anything on here but I'm here simply to say I will be making an honest attempt to start visiting here and posting on at least a bi-weekly basis. With that said, I hope you'll settle with a poem until the first actual post which should be coming along later this week- toodles
 

“Please don’t touch me, understand I’m hurt.” She said and like a dying wish my hand fell. We used to stand tall and happy, ripe with hope and anyone who looked in our eyes could tell you we were in love even if we acted like it was our biggest secret. Still sometimes things change cuz now we’re wearing layers like we’re afraid everything even the wind can hurt us… hands and eyes mislabeled twitchy and empty so we won’t forget in fear and faith anything can happen. But we weren’t always broken, we once stood tall and happy ripe with dreams- We used to edge into our future for fun, testing waters and enjoying what we tasted until the future became addictive and overnight you became my girl… We spat out secrets and kept note of how faces shifted to show intentions like “what’s wrong” and “nothing really” and “why won’t you tell me?” But what can I say that won’t make you say “maybe you shouldn’t stay…” when I’m a mess with a mirror and you weren’t fairing too well from the start? I’m not selfish just easily distracted and honestly scared you’d rather live without this and normally I would have laced up my sneakers some time ago but you’re not just someone I can run from… ya see, we used to stand tall and happy ripe with simplicity as it was the easiest thing to be with you watching snow storms from windows on valentine’s day or spend drunken nights dressed up like cloak and dagger telling tales you share with only your best friend… You always knew just the right ingredients to make me want to fly even when I didn’t, you still do. And I keep getting lost daydreaming lately wondering if you remember why you fell in love with me and if you still trust me… Cuz you still line the walls in my dreams telling me “don’t give up” kinda things and I trust you so I’m listening…

Until Later, Bye

If you woulda told me the truth we’d be alright

Late nights with headphones

"This isn’t a story about how girls are evil or how love is bad, this is a story about how I learned something"

So I wrote this down with you in mind, I took out a loan on my free time. And I know I’m repetitive it’s because I haven’t made it yet- I haven’t found a road just yellow bricks with a note saying “make your own”. And it gets so hard sometimes trying to make a dime and free up some time without having to worry about walking straight lines. And I’m sticking to sidewalks and avoiding long talks because honestly I’m getting bad with honesty, I don’t want to give friends an opportunity to turn back stabbing into a trend. See I just want to breathe and not break apart piece by piece, not have to find a way to cover my feet but I’m probably just tearing myself up over nothing it’s not like friendships worth a pussy, right? It’s not like a girls ever been the reason for a fight- you’d think I wouldn’t have to worry about these things. But my walkman keeps me walkin and my past never lets me stop movin- Because I know what staying still can do to a guy like me or a girl you but I’m not suppose to talk about this, this part is censored by doors and moods so let’s move on the part where I go home to deal with aches, take some pills and let my mind stray. For a guy like me nothings ever enough, nothing’s ever change, I can write this down 100 times and my mind still leaves it plastered on the inside of closed eyes. And I know I need to take what I say to heart but life’s not a painting and I’m really only good with art but from what they say realizing it is the hardest part so where do I go from here? I know I have problems but if you woulda told me the truth we’d be alright but now it’s different I can’t keep you around without thinking the shit coming out of your mouths a lie… And this isn’t even about you, it’s about all of them, like notches on my bed post secretly meant for friends.

Even Seasons Change



I always wanted to paint someone

"We'll play stop and go but it feels just like freeze tag."

Dear Everyone,
It's been a while since I hoped on here to give you all little tid bits of info about my life. This will be a "highlight" update of course because I personally don’t think that I'm interesting enough to just write tangents anymore well and there’s the new thing which is draining but I'll get to that in the "highlights" section :]
So without further addoo, "highlights"


1. If you don't understand any of this or me or know who I am for that matter just rewind like a lot of posts back and stuff, I don’t feel like re-iterating everything I've been through and how its changed because it has aside from my dosage of kid kimo has upped a little bit because the pill amountage isn’t "killing me enough" (no that is not a scientific term that is just my way of saying it)


2. I suck at grocery shopping; no let me re-state this so that there is no confusion, I REALLY suck at grocery shopping. The other day I went in, money in pocket ipod in ears- needless to say I was fuckin ready for some walmart grocery shopping.... or so I thought. I grabbed my basket which I named "bascket" and began on my journey through the aisles of food and angry families. I somehow managed to almost die about 3 1/2 times, was rammed by almost a dozen baskets and also got lost like twice. At the end of my excursion I had only filled the kid portion of my basket and realized I had completely forgotten what I like to eat and among this revelation I also realized that 4 year old kids can fill a grocery basket better than I (but on a plus note I found the most generic cola ever). So after failing miserably at grocery shopping I jumped on the back of "bascket" and sped out of walmart and toward my truck like a getaway driver (and yes, everyone looked at me like I was nuts)


3. I got a new eye infection so yes the white blood cell killing powers of my pills are working and yes the infection sucked. Spent countless dollars and time at the eye doctor, had the front of my cornea scrapped for testing and couldn’t see for almost 2 weeks (the world is a very cruel place when you're suddenly thrown into it and you can’t see and everything burns) but I find out today whether or not I'm officially better. Fingers fuggin crossed, right?


4. Been watching lots of new movies, listening to lots of new bands, tryin out some new concepts in life, trying to find the drive to not stop being artistic (mainly writing and music), and lastly trying not to drop off the face of the earth so much.


5. Planning a vacation because I fucking need one at this point


6. Lastly, I'm starting this new art project. I'm going to be doing this thing we used to do on the poetry slam team I ran in college where you basically write streams of consciousness for roughly 5-10 mins off a random phrase. I'll be posting this in my tumblr along with all the random pictures and phrases I already post. So if you care to read my crappy poetry and look at my awkward pictures by all means, stop by and check it out. :] http://mattstetris.tumblr.com/

but otherwise,
Until Later, Bye

The One Eyed Boy vs. The World

I finally have a plan

"So give me the fevers that just won't break, and give me the children you don't wanna raise, and tell me about the cool he sings you in those songs, if it's better than my love then bring it on."

Dear Everyone,

Well it’s been a while friends...
I apologize for my absence things have just kinda become a little bit much in recent months so needless to say I decided to take some time off in whatever ways I could.

But this one isn’t going to be an epically long post just a small snippet for everyone to catch up on the highlights so yeah,

My sickness fluctuates, I trudging along and just sorta take it for what it is. My eye got a new disease that I get to live with, it’s called irritis. If you look it up online apparently you'll just hear a buncha horror stories is what the doc told me, I of course have yet to look it up, I just know that because of it I've been wearing glasses for almost a month now- with my luck it'll make me go blind in one eye (C'est la vie) then I get to be a pirate and I swear to god if that happens I will always talk with a pirate accent and I will always talk about rum and booty.

As far as my old disease goes it didn’t get better and it didn’t get worse since I was in the hospital, it just sorta stayed the same so the doctor decided to change my meds; Still steroids for 12 more months, new stronger constants, and kimo's kid brother (basically get kimo slice it in half then turn it into a pill) so needless to say I don’t feel too hot these days but I'm rather optimistic about things on that scale.

I'm still doing the whole writing and playing and recording thing as much as I can muster. Started drawing a little bit again. Took up photography again which is nice. Decided I'm going to try to start working out again, I'll let you know how that goes considering the pills and there side effects.
Oh, and I read a hell of a lot now. Like 2 books a week at least basically.

But I think that’s the just of things at the moment, I'm lookin up and trying to keep my eyes focused there. Get a hold of me if you need me take care and ummm yeah.

oh and congrats to jake on the very awesome surprise that he was just recently blessed with. :]
Until later, bye.

08/08/2011



Laura showed me this and now I'm giddy

"you say I only hear what I want to, you say I talk so all the time so."



Like a shooting star or a secret I pushed her into my pocket- not to be forgotten and not to be remembered but like a love letter, I just wanted to hold onto it a little while… and you’re like a dead friend these days, you’re never around- shifting through my memories, making seconds fall away from me and it’s getting so fucking hard to breathe... and I can’t say things I want to say out loud anymore- it’s started sounding too much like a prayer or a wish and I don’t believe in miracles anymore, I don’t believe in a lot of the things you taught me anymore… I feel guilty for that… My eyes are so tired these days and my hearts so bitter and you’re not around to re-name stars or laugh my troubles off till I can laugh my troubles off and I don’t blame you… I just remember when we used to drive all night letting street lights outline us and hide us, I remember when we used to count back from ten in our heads and count out loud all the things we’d say out loud if we knew how to say them out loud, I remember when we used to laugh… I remember when we used to laugh and it was easy and it was simple and it felt good. But now there’s a hole in the summer and your fingerprints are all over this one… messy and chaotic but simple and pure… just like you always were- like nicotine I can’t taste or some stupid little promise made but still no matter how hard I try I don’t blame you… even if you’re gone now I don’t blame you, even if I want to I don’t blame you and I don’t know if it’s because I miss you or because in my heart I know I pushed you… but maybe one day you’ll forgive me, pick up the phone and call me… until then I guess I’ll sit back and stare at the stars counting back from ten thinking of the way things once had been.

Until later, bye

I Can't Stop Shaking

"I wanna hold your hand so tight I'm gonna break my wrist, and when the vultures sing tonight I'm gonna join right in."

Dear Everyone,

I'm tired.
The days are long, the moments don't make the most sense anymore and let downs are kind of just a way of life. Memories are even becoming somewhat of an overused and tiresome excuse for thinking...

Today I’m using the blog for well… blogging. What I mean is I’m using it to talk to myself or just kinda write down my head… So if that is something you’re not into then peace out otherwise enjoy my rambles.

My hands don't really stop shaking anymore... some days worse than others but none the less they're always there unless I'm tirelessly pounding away at something to keep me busy and I can confidently say that it's hard to always keep my hands busy. It’s like a chore when all I want to do is sit still, I just want the world to stop for 5 minutes so I can breathe or even just catch myself - I feel like I've been falling for such a long time now that my watch has run out of batteries broken shattered and pieces of the glass from the front have flown off and poked me in the face.

It's weird
The way my head works is so logical lately, where if you know me decently then you know I think with my feeling 9 times out of 10. The world just doesn’t make sense anymore I guess haha the simplest of things don’t have a lay out- they lack essence. But I guess it’s hard to say that most things don’t lack essence these days. We live in a world where everything revolves around fingertips and fingerprints but surprisingly enough everyone is too afraid to get their hands dirty.

Truth, secrets, lies- there's no lines being drawn anymore. Everyone has something to hide its just how deep does it go. The meaning of stop was forgotten when the world became obsessed with the meaning of go.

No band update, No life update- nothing’s changed. If you care about my birthday it’s on August 10th, gifts are no longer necessary due to the fact that I don't really care.
toodles.

Until later, bye.

The Countdown and what-nots



Another albuquerque sun


"You never knew that it would take so long to understand you're right where you belong."

Dear Everyone,

Dreams are weird.

I've been having a lot of dreams lately that don't necessarily make any small inkling of sense... that's un-nerving for me. It's like these past few months have just been a fucked up train ride through all the years that made the most of an impression on me. I'm currently trying to put the pieces together in my head thinking that there has to be some sense to be made of my dreams and the things that keep happening- so far no luck really. For example last night my dream contained ninjas, a concert, racing on tramway, zombies, rachel, tess, jacob, charissa, chelsea, laura, memories and a lot of running... I just simply can't find any resemblance of logic there at all... I'm reading too much into this so onto "the plan/countdown"

So as some of you may know and if you don't then put it in your calendar squares, MY BIRTHDAY IS 13 DAYS FROM NOW!!! (August 10th). So the questions arise,
What are you getting me?
What am I going to do?

yeah... those are pretty much all the questions I can think of... and well I can't answer the first one but I can answer the second. THE PLAN.
Currently my plan is to either; go on a road trip but seeing as how the world is a cruel place and I don’t see anyone tossing tons of bucks my way for said trip I don’t quite think this is going to be the choice that wins but if by some miracle its possible this is exactly what I will be doing.

The other option is to have a day of fun filled awesomeness which would include but not be limited to the following: Water balloon and gun war, Dinner, Jemez camping trip, Bar-B-Que in park, Going swimming, Lots of silly string, Captain America in theaters, Booze and guitar antics... and well anything else that you can come up with (I'm also currently accepting more ideas). So everybody, plan for it, embrace it, or just ignore it if you want- tis your choice.

(Life Update) To put it simply, my life has been uneventful. I've starting playing a game which very well may be the most twisted and sadistic game I've ever encountered which is always a fun experience. I've been looking into sickness stuff and trying to look things up to try and make myself better but it seems like every day I'm either staying the same as I was before or I'm getting worse... It's rather discouraging. 

I also apologize to everyone that hasn’t been hearing from me as of recent, I'm kinda going through one of those phases where I don’t talk to anyone and I don’t leave my apartment- I've recently started to come out of my living quarters though, you can thank Tess for that. I also read and finished a book this week, it was called "A love story *staring my dead best friend*". It was about death, love, and finding yourself in the best kind of way- with a road trip. It was a nice read, it made me feel accomplished finishing it and it left a good taste in my mouth afterward. I guess this is that point where I update the band stuff like always so

BAND UPDATE: things are still moving along at a nice steady pace. Recording a couple rough tracks is suppose to happen this weekend but it's still not a for sure thing. I have a could chunk of songs written and I've been getting help on added or re-writing guitar parts from Jake which has been a huge help. Also I've started a less serious and more fun loving side project which you should expect to hear from very soon. And for now that’s all the updates.

So... expect but don’t hold me to it- I'm gonna try and keep up the blog updates (yeah I said that last time too and I've been working on this one for like a week now but due to sickness and storms I've had delays).

Oh and happy birthday shout outs to Rachel Kristine Rovere Fowlds and Chambrie Yates!!
Also sad good-byes to Tess Taylor who is moving to Florida to be with that guy RC that she likes a whole hellava lot :]


So yeah, I think that's all for now...
Until later, bye