Dear World

This is what my life sounds like

"Why do you build me up buttercup, baby just to let me down and mess me around."

Dear Everyone,

This is going to be a three part blog;
-Part one is a writing exercise that i saw in Meg from Meg and Dia's blog.
-Part two is going to be a slight update on life, very brief.
-Part three is going to be a letter.



1) This first part is a way to recollect on your previous week or just on that day in particular, I'm going to start doing one every friday in my journal and I'll more than likely re-post all of them together eventually in a blog. This one will be for last week.

Seeing: Too many people obsessed with forcing themselves into others lives.
Tasting: The bitterness of having to force myself to catch myself.
Hearing: The same songs on repeat.
Smelling: Everything that makes me want to vomit.
Feeling: Sick and tired of feeling like you're only my friend because you need something.


2) I lost some and won some, then picked myself up and began the walk that I know all too well without answers from the people who needed to provide them- I even asked some of them without any form of result. Honestly I have no clue what happened to SWK, we never talked about it until i was too sick and tired to be able to make a decision. I have continued to write music without nick for the band, I'm suppose to meet with him soon to figure things out. I've also been sick since May 12th, I could barely leave bed and the doctor basically told me he had no clue what was wrong. I dont blame him the illness eventually proved to be out of his means to find due to the restrictions of his office and his lack of focus on the problem. I was admitted into the hospital friday and have been since diegnosed or as I like to refer to it as "tagged and bagged". I finally was able to start eating solid food today and the doctor said that i should be out of here tomorrow at which time i will basically straighten out some things and finish the songs I was in the middle of writing not to mention the songs I've written since. Sorry for being MIA for such a long time


3) Dear World,
I'm trying not to be bitter anymore. I'm tired of wasting away everything i have to put out the fires everyone keeps setting to every bridge I ever built. I'm done, I don't want to spend my life holding up the card castle that I let everyone turn my life into- I shouldn't have let this go on as long as I did. These moments are too short and I'm already too old to be clenching on to the past and the mistakes that I've convinced myself that I made when I know that I'm not the one that set this world on fire. I don't need sham friends, I don't need promises, I don't need words and paraphrases and I don't need tomorrows and todays because none of it can sit in the palm of my hand, none of it will ever be 100% and none of it can be a sure thing. I'm tired of being fed the same lies my whole life and I'm tired of being so dumb and naive that I think that everyone is different. 21 years and I am so concerned with everyone else and everything else that I literally gave myself a disease and the only things I have to show for it can be counted on both my hands, I'm ok with that now... It took more than I thought I had but I'm ok with it now and I'm ok with who I am and who I will be and to everyone else fuck you and thank you, pick which ever you honestly think you deserve.
Sincerely and honestly,
Matt
  
4) Until later, bye.

This Is A Rant

The Forgotten Power Ranger

"Lay me down, and tell me everything will be alright, things will be alright"

Dear Everyone,

I've given up.

I've given up on trying to understand and on trying to wrap my head around everything. I'm done hiding what i truly feel and what i honestly think. It's never gotten anyone anywhere waiting, wishing and hoping and I'm done fitting myself into a box so the rest of the people I'm around can conserve there ideals of me and so that people can feel "okay" about the things. I don’t see a point anymore in thinking about doing things or trying to decipher the code that is life in order to make the perfect decision, if you spend your whole life planning you'll never do a damn thing and that my readers and friends is a waste of life.

I also have recently realized that I miss the world through the eyes of kids or even just the youth, like when you basically shat yourself and laid in bed just day dreaming when you got a girls (or "guys" for the female readers) number or even when you held hands for the first time- now it’s all about living your life through your proverbial dick all the time and constantly looking for answers between sheets and sweet nothings that are whispered in ears like promises that "everything will be alright. "The problem with sex is self-respect, calibration- the orgasm services your validation". The world has lost its innocence in the back ally where the internet and uggs were born.

My life has turned into what i can only describe as an all nighter with too much fast times and flashy lights, nothing slows down anymore. My body and sleep schedule have already basically given me the finger and I'm at a loss for words when in the back of my mind my sarcastic asshole voice begins to laugh at me and says, "this is growing up".

And honestly i don’t know if i believe it or not, is there something more to life than that? Parties and staying up late, sing-a-longs and street lights- these are the things my life sounds like. And the trade over is what? Having kids? Buying a suburban track home in a carpool wonderland? I'm not knocking on it, I mean I want kids and to be a dad someday I think it would be a blast but what’s the point behind all this? Am I grown up when I grow up or when my life has aged and matured like some kind of fine wine?

I don’t know, these are the reason's I've given up on understanding.
I can say through giving up I've learned a lot and I’ve taken on a new way of thinking things through in life. It's nice :]

But I'll take a band update here at the end of the blog before I end it abruptly after the rant so...
BAND UPDATE: We've basically gone into hiding and have begun the reemerging process in recent days. We have been practicing our asses off and we can now confidently say that we have 4 of our own original songs done and done and we have begun to get them ready for performances. We're currently working on 2 other songs but we're trying to stay focused on practicing so we can start to play some shows. We're also hoping to record some of our own stuff soon so we can post it for all of our lovely fans to listen to, currently we haven’t because nick wants to use an M-mod to record so we gotta wait till we get one to start the recording process. But begin to expect a lot of stuff from Secrets Worth Keeping in the near future because we are ready to get out there and show you all that you are supporting us for a good reason :]

Oh and for the record DISCLAIMER: I'm not referencing anyone in particular even though I'm sure certain people will think I'm talking about them but I'm not, this is jus the things I've observed throughout the past couple weeks.
But that’s all for now so,
Until later, bye.