08/08/2011



Laura showed me this and now I'm giddy

"you say I only hear what I want to, you say I talk so all the time so."



Like a shooting star or a secret I pushed her into my pocket- not to be forgotten and not to be remembered but like a love letter, I just wanted to hold onto it a little while… and you’re like a dead friend these days, you’re never around- shifting through my memories, making seconds fall away from me and it’s getting so fucking hard to breathe... and I can’t say things I want to say out loud anymore- it’s started sounding too much like a prayer or a wish and I don’t believe in miracles anymore, I don’t believe in a lot of the things you taught me anymore… I feel guilty for that… My eyes are so tired these days and my hearts so bitter and you’re not around to re-name stars or laugh my troubles off till I can laugh my troubles off and I don’t blame you… I just remember when we used to drive all night letting street lights outline us and hide us, I remember when we used to count back from ten in our heads and count out loud all the things we’d say out loud if we knew how to say them out loud, I remember when we used to laugh… I remember when we used to laugh and it was easy and it was simple and it felt good. But now there’s a hole in the summer and your fingerprints are all over this one… messy and chaotic but simple and pure… just like you always were- like nicotine I can’t taste or some stupid little promise made but still no matter how hard I try I don’t blame you… even if you’re gone now I don’t blame you, even if I want to I don’t blame you and I don’t know if it’s because I miss you or because in my heart I know I pushed you… but maybe one day you’ll forgive me, pick up the phone and call me… until then I guess I’ll sit back and stare at the stars counting back from ten thinking of the way things once had been.

Until later, bye

I Can't Stop Shaking

"I wanna hold your hand so tight I'm gonna break my wrist, and when the vultures sing tonight I'm gonna join right in."

Dear Everyone,

I'm tired.
The days are long, the moments don't make the most sense anymore and let downs are kind of just a way of life. Memories are even becoming somewhat of an overused and tiresome excuse for thinking...

Today I’m using the blog for well… blogging. What I mean is I’m using it to talk to myself or just kinda write down my head… So if that is something you’re not into then peace out otherwise enjoy my rambles.

My hands don't really stop shaking anymore... some days worse than others but none the less they're always there unless I'm tirelessly pounding away at something to keep me busy and I can confidently say that it's hard to always keep my hands busy. It’s like a chore when all I want to do is sit still, I just want the world to stop for 5 minutes so I can breathe or even just catch myself - I feel like I've been falling for such a long time now that my watch has run out of batteries broken shattered and pieces of the glass from the front have flown off and poked me in the face.

It's weird
The way my head works is so logical lately, where if you know me decently then you know I think with my feeling 9 times out of 10. The world just doesn’t make sense anymore I guess haha the simplest of things don’t have a lay out- they lack essence. But I guess it’s hard to say that most things don’t lack essence these days. We live in a world where everything revolves around fingertips and fingerprints but surprisingly enough everyone is too afraid to get their hands dirty.

Truth, secrets, lies- there's no lines being drawn anymore. Everyone has something to hide its just how deep does it go. The meaning of stop was forgotten when the world became obsessed with the meaning of go.

No band update, No life update- nothing’s changed. If you care about my birthday it’s on August 10th, gifts are no longer necessary due to the fact that I don't really care.
toodles.

Until later, bye.